A SkinWise Rx Guest Blog
The following blog post was written by a client of Dr. Doser's and has been reprinted here at her request.
“If you squint like that, you’re going to get wrinkles,” my mother would say to me from the time I was in elementary school. The amblyopia and light-sensitive, far-sighted eyes led to the brow-furrowing habit that never abated due to the fact that I like being able to see. Glasses helped me see but didn’t stop the squinting habit – even when I do remember where I left them.
“I’m the natural girl – the hippie chick minus the patchouli and comestibles. Keens, no bangs, hair down, casual.”
I’m the natural girl – the hippie chick minus the patchouli and comestibles. Keens, no bangs, hair down, casual. I’m not a stunner but I mostly feel okay with how I look. Consideration for my appearance has waxed and waned with how I felt about my weight and how much emotional, financial, and logistical bandwidth I had left after homeschooling two girls, having three more babies, running a business with 25 employees, and hosting a weekly home group.
“I had noticed that when I took pictures over the last couple years (I am 47 now), I looked old. No position could make the wrinkles disappear.”
The thought of having medical aesthetic work done never really occurred to me before recently. I had noticed that when I took pictures over the last couple years (I am 47 now), I looked old. No position could make the wrinkles disappear. They exist no matter the cream I use, smile I modify, or facial gymnastic I try to execute for the sake of the camera. People would ask me why I was scowling, and I’d say I’m just squinting because of the light. My mother always said I looked tired. I notice that the eyes of men don’t stay like they used to. These are hard things. I try to face them directly and always with humor, but the sense of being looked over and not feeling as desirable weighs on me.
Recently I found out that a couple of my friends, who look fantastic, have been having Botox injections for a couple of years. My first thought was, “That’s so shallow!” That was followed not long after with, “Hey, if they are doing it, maybe I should / could / will think about it.” Notably, these are not shallow women. They work for highly competitive companies in highly competitive industries. They are caring, involved women. I had no idea that they had been having work done except that they don’t look tired.
“Would I like the look? Would I still be able to express myself? How would my family and my children feel about it? Was it a slippery slope of vanity and inauthenticity?”
My friends’ use allowed me to explore the idea more deeply. I pondered how this would effect me as much emotionally as physically. Would I like the look? Would I still be able to express myself? How would my family and my children feel about it? Was it a slippery slope of vanity and inauthenticity? I finally wrestled with the answers to these questions, which allowed me to choose my next step. I was unhappy with my current look. Judging by my besties, I was going to like the softening of my wrinkles and it would look natural, not artificial. I had not noticed an inability for them to express themselves. I would still be able laugh, smile, inflect, and wink; they certainly did. Legitimately, my family and children would ask the same questions that circled my brain.
“As much as I thought a good pantsuit would help me out, I realized that Botox should no longer be considered frivolous or vain. How useful are heels? They serve me no purpose. They are painful and I would rather wear Keens... I am competing in a tech-heavy industry against women half my age. Remaining brilliant but aged, regardless of how okay I was with it, was not going to help me find employment.”
What finally pushed me over the edge was a need for a job. It is known that beautiful people get hired, earn more money, have more power, have better mentors, get promoted more often, and that even doe-eyed babies look at their faces longer (Bennett, Newsweek, Jul 19, 2010). I will be looking for employment soon armed with a second degree and an additional social media marketing certification. As much as I thought a good pantsuit would help me out, I realized that Botox should no longer be considered frivolous or vain. How useful are heels? They serve me no purpose. They are painful and I would rather wear Keens but they are not appropriate for a professional interview. My same acceptance of heels for work would play into my acceptance of help to create a refreshed and natural exterior. My reality is truly ugly. I am competing in a tech-heavy industry against women half my age. Remaining brilliant but aged, regardless of how okay I was with it, was not going to help me find employment. It was time that I sought treatment, not to become a supermodel, but to keep me viable in a biased, complex, and uncompromising work force.
